Back in April I write this on my other blog, I thought I would share it here too.
I want to create art.
Beautiful art that lives on past me.
That they put in museums
And write papers on,
Because they want to know what I was thinking.
I want to create art to
Inspire those older and younger than me.
To give hope to everyone around.
‘She can do it, so I know I can.’
I want to create art,
In a way that it’s not seen as art,
But as Life.
As something new and exciting.
And personal to me.
I want to create art for me.
Art that doesn’t get published
Or put in museums
No one talks about it
Because no one cares.
Art that inspires me to keep going
Just for the pleasure of it.
I want to create art for the fun of it
Not for fame
I want to create.
I hate spending money,
Mostly because I don’t have any.
I have no money and I am in debt
But I keep fucking spending it.
I see something that no one needs,
I think of you and I buy it,
Without a second thought.
I could spend four months thinking about new jeans,
Jeans that I need,
And not buy them to save money
But for you I am just flushed with cash.
Because for some reason I like you or whatever.
I guess I like you more than I like saving
Or electricity or food.
I love food, Man
I was contemplating what I was going to eat.
If I was going to not eat,
Or eat the celery and bread that’s in my house
Because I have no money to buy anything more
But you asked me to go out
And as much as you like to treat me
I felt like it was my turn
And low and behold
I spent money again.
Money that could’ve gone to peanut butter
You know, for my celery or bread
Money that could’ve gone to a bill
To help me settle some of this debt
But instead it went to you
Not to you, but for you
For you, for me
Because I guess I like you
He was as strong as a straw house
Never set in place
Not once was there a foundation
Just hope for one day
He grew moving
No home to call his
The foundation was forgotten
Distant memory to him
Motions set in place for change to come
For new growth
But the past was for the past
Now his legacy is the same
As strong as a straw house
Not forgotten this time
New hope for foundation lives.
At my local library, we are allowed to check out audiobooks. I’ve known this for over a year now, but I just think about how it’s free but Audible keeps trying to get me to subscribe to them. I’m a poor college student, that is not happening anytime soon. And the library has a really good selection.
Point is, I checked out Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes. I’m actually listening to it right now. I should probably pause it so I can listen to it more clearly, but it’s just so great that I can’t pause it. Have you listened to it before? If not, I would recommend it.
It’s got parts that don’t exactly apply to me, but the message could be applied to everything. Making me want to do a year of yes. And I think I might. I’m also going to review the book on Saturday and post the review probably Sunday.
I’m almost finished with it now but I want to learn how to review a book first. I’ve only ever done it for class, and it’s been a while. This is also a way for me to work on critically thinking about anything that I might read or see. It’s one of the hardest parts about my major, it takes me a long to look at something and come up with my own ideas and meanings for what I’m seeing.
My actual year of yes post will be on my other blog, not this one but in the review I will post a link just in case someone wants to read it.
It’s just too much
Why are you so close to me?
I wanted you to be close
But now that you are…
Can’t you be close
without being so
Even without standing here I can close my eyes and picture it. It’s not the same everyday but I’m picturing it the way it was yesterday or maybe the way it is today, or maybe neither and I’ve made up a new view to fit how it was and how it is today.
Every morning the first thing I do is take Wolfgang out. He’s laying on my face to let me know it’s time. He’s sweet like that. We run down the stairs to get out side. He runs because I run, I run so that he doesn’t stop and get distracted and go in the house. When we finally make it outside, he continues to run, or hop. He’s a tiny little thing.
I stand on this deck and watch him. Today there is snow on the ground, and I stand here freezing in my pajamas. Back in the summer I’d go and sit on the swing. A bit chilly depending on when we got up, but still a lot warmer than it is today. The trees have no snow, either because it melted or because the little limbs couldn’t hold any. I’ll go with because it melted, the trees in my neighbors’ yards don’t have any either.
I don’t want to take a step off the deck. This spot is the best spot to see everything. The squirrel trying to get food in Mrs. Jayne’s bird feeder, Wolf tying to get the squirrel. If I come too far off the deck Wolf will come by me instead of doing his business. I need him to do his business so I can go inside and do mine. Plus, it’s so cold.
He takes his time. The earlier it is the longer time he takes. The backyard probably loves him for it. Loves that someone cares enough to give it a bit of attention. If it was summer still, I would sit my lazy butt on that swing. I’d bring Wolf out just to play and run around. Let the backyard know that we are here and it is useful.
Going down the stairs of the deck, my boots fall into rocks. The same rocks that I hate when I happen to forget to put on shoes. The rocks are beautiful there, they make the deck look nice, but they don’t do anything good for my feet. Then onto the grass. The snow isn’t too hard and if it were ice frozen over, I’d fall in. I guess I kind of do fall in, I break the snow until I’m standing on grass. Still mostly snow.
In walking distance, less than a mile, there is a little seated area and I don’t know why it’s there. I haven’t been in a while and I’m wondering why I didn’t walk there to write about how beautiful it is and about how my precious little Wolfgang loves to go on walks there; loves for me to carry him there. Why not any other place than my backyard?
A backyard that I’ve only known for six months. A backyard to a house I never even wanted to move into. I loved the apartment that we use to live in. It was perfect and the summers there were beautiful. The way the lake sparkled at night, not just from the moon, but because there were little fountains at both ends. To be honest, I really didn’t want to leave because I don’t really like change, but that other stuff is great too. Even so, this is a backyard that you can say I fell in love with. That’s why. The girl who doesn’t like to be outside has found a place absent of walls, doors, and windows that she loves. She loves the swing that seems to want to collapse under her when she sits. The second backyard that no one goes to. The backyard that is far back and gated it in, it even has chicken wire around it. I think that maybe the people before me used it for a big dog. Wolf and I stay up front, we have everything we need in the first one. The one all the way in the back use to hold the swing, but the man who cuts the grass thought I’d like it better in the first part. He was right.
Because of that, the backyard became a place I don’t mind sitting for hours waiting for something to happen. As of now, I would rather go in but Wolf has only peed. It’s eight, what did I expect but for him to take as much time as he can?
READ FIRST– I saw this random thing on Tumblr and I said I was going to write it but I never did. Then the other day a friend of mind said he couldn’t sleep, so I wrote a piece as a bed time story. I haven’t read it over and it was in text. I’m not going to read it over for a week or so then I will come back and fix it up. For now I just want to post it.
So imagine a lady who stored away on a ship. This long time ago, like 1200 or something. This ship was a pirate ship. She didn’t know it was going she just had to get away because she had stole a necklace and the police were after her.
She’s on the ship and it’s in the middle of the ocean and one of the Pirates find her and he is mad, it is bad luck for a woman to be on the ship. He gets the captain and he says that she had to go. Had to go now, they can’t go back but she had to go or they will all die.
So they toss her over.
No second thoughts about it.
She’s sinking so quickly and she doesn’t know what to do. She’s mad at herself because it was just a stupid necklace and she shouldn’t have taken it.
But she’s more mad at those pirates because how could they do that when all she need was safe passage to another place. She’s only a girl and she needed help but they wouldn’t help her. She’s going down even faster because she’s fighting it and the water doesn’t take no for an answer.
As she’s fighting she sees a light but the light isn’t coming from anywhere really, it’s illuminating from inside of her and her legs aren’t moving it’s becoming one and suddenly she can breath. But she’s still under water and she doesn’t know what’s going on but she’s still mad.
She’s no longer sinking her she has a fin and it feels likes she’s flying.
When she makes it to the surface of the water she can see the boat in the distance and all she wants is to get to it. Make them pay for what they’ve done.
As she swims it gets darker and darker and she finally catches up with them. One of them sees her and he doesn’t realize who it is. He just see such a beautiful woman in the ocean and he’s mesmerized. She calls out to him, in a very lovely singing voice.
It’s like nothing he ever heard before so he jumps into the water because the only thing he can think about is getting to her. When he finally does. She stops singing and he sees who she is and what she had become but it’s too late.
He opens his mouth to scream but before a single sound comes out he is submerged under the water. She dragged him down until he fought no more.
Thanks for reading with the mistakes and all. This blog is like a journal of my writings, so there are going to be a lot of mistakes.
Do you guys know how hard it is to get in 64 ounces of water a day? If you’re me, it’s really hard. Most days I only get in about two of these. One is 24.
But I try.